Job breakups and how to end up on-top
Layoffs are definitely not a career highlight, but they happen and they’re worth talking about the traumatic (yes, I used the T word), experience, feelings and incredibly, life-altering learnings so we can continue to evolve in our personal and professional life. Layoffs are tough times. But there are things you can do to navigate the storm and come out on top!
First off, although it may feel personal -- it’s not personal. There’s a huge surge of emotions that comes with losing your job. For me, I value being part of a larger team and making tangible contributions, the loss of a job creates a gaping hole.
And it’s totally fine to feel completely off kilter with a job layoff. A job is like a long-term relationship. A layoff is that final, “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup speech *eyeroll*. With a layoff, it wasn’t mutual: one party decided it was over, and the layoffee, doesn’t get a say (sound familiar?). Jobs [tend to be] a long-term, multi-year commitment. Heck, people stay at their jobs longer than most relationships*! And raise your hand if you’ve cried over a relationship breakup? I better see everyone’s hands up! Well, if it’s 100% acceptable to cry over a relationship breakup, then it’s 100% acceptable to cry during a job breakup. So for all you, “I don’t cry” types, please embrace your feelings!
“A job is like a long-term relationship. A layoff is that final, “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup speech *eyeroll* ”
To those who have recently been laid off and are suffering the heartbreak (yes, it is a heartbreak you heard me -- heartbreak!): Take solace in the fact that it gets easier. I’m going to repeat that because I’m not sure you heard me through your tears: It. Gets. Easier.
“Take solace in the fact that it gets easier. ”
Layoffs are no walk in the park. But it gets easier; every time, I get more resilient. It stings a little less. I don’t take it as personally as my earlier layoff moments. I still cry every time; I don’t think that will stop. Because, I truly care.
After the big sob, followed by numbness, I’m flooded with a sense of relief, letting go and moving on to the next chapter of the unknown adventure, that which we call life! And you can take pride in small wins.
During my most recent layoff [from a hugely successful startup], my small win and how I know I’m letting go of control and accepting life. I didn’t cry while they were delivering the age old “your job has been eliminated” story. After sitting dry-eyed through HR’s compensation package explanation, I immediately raced to the bathroom, locked the door and sobbed like a baby, grateful to be alone, away from prying eyes and pity. While I couldn’t control my job situation [in that moment]; I could control whether I cried (i.e. a delayed cry!) and that small win was my shining light during a turbulent time.
Perhaps one my worst layoff memory was the breakup with an ad agency:
My manager and the HR representative dropped the bomb that my role was being eliminated. And my manager, bless her naive heart-- tried to comfort me with sympathy. I'm a complete mess, and my straight-faced, hipster spectacled manager, looks me dead in the eye and says, “Believe me, this is really difficult for me too.”
“Believe me, this is really difficult for me too.”
For all future leaders and business owners who leading layoffs:
DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF and how hard it is for you. Nobody wants to hear it. This is not the time nor the place. Unless you’re the one being laid off, it’s not about you. If the layoff-ee is a hot mess, sobbing uncontrollably, because you’ve just dropped a life-altering bomb, this is not the time for you on your high-horse, the woe-is-me sympathy card. Please, put your ego aside and focus on the person who has transformed from a highly functional, upbeat human into a shell of a being before your eyes (in the span of 30 seconds!).
Don’t worry, if you’re a hot-mess, I have summarized below my top five best learnings from my many-many layoffs! I like to focus on the future, next steps, a new change and the next chapter — and especially how I can get better, be better for next time. This motivates me :)
How to end up on-top in the face of layoffs:
Being prepared to experience the upside comes down to understanding that it’s a normal part of the work-life cycle, always paying attention (so you get wind of it ahead of time) it’s and putting you before any loyalty.
Layoffs are a normal part of business and having a career.
They’re especially prevalent in high growth, agile companies, make it or break-it, technology culture and overall business life cycles. As technology continues to shift, companies will continue to spin up incubator teams/departments. And with great risk, comes great failure (i.e. layoffs!). It’s the normal course of our fast-paced, techy world! So remember, it’s not totally about you. It’s about the larger picture too!
Be strategic, think five steps ahead.
[For your next strategic opportunity] Be part of the core, essential business (the money maker!) to increase your chances of keeping your job, and staying relevant. Does your department spend more money than it brings it? This may be a sign that your department is on the rocks or could be part of a future layoff.
Pay attention to company gossip and politics.
[For your next strategic opportunity] There are ribbons of truth woven in the gossip. Learn to suss this out and feel out fact from fiction. Does it make sense? If you were the CEO, or an Executive, is that the decision you would make?
You come first. Stay on your toes, learn, grow, evolve and stay relevant.
Let’s face it, if the company had the choice of either going in the red to pay your salary versus laying you off; you guessed it– they’d lay you off in a heartbeat.
Secondly, don’t rest on your laurels. This one is a tough: put your own needs ahead of the company’s needs, don’t have loyalty to any one company [other than your own business].
I know; this sounds cut-throat. But no logical business would allow a profit-eating department to continue infinitely! If you’re a responsible owner / business person, you’d do the same! Of course, continue to enjoy your job, your life, your coworkers and all those work perks (pay checks!! YASSSS)! Life is ephemeral — and know that jobs are not permanent (especially in today’s day and age)! Embrace the change in life; i.e. don’t feel impending doom. Just feel: this is the way it is. And I’m OK with that!
This means, keep learning. Keep picking up new skills. If your industry is headed towards X technology, then learn about X technology. Don’t be slow to adopt that which is useful. Know what’s out there, and know whether it’s relevant, valuable, taking off and/or the next hot thing. And use those insights to gravitate towards the relevant. This could mean: introducing new methods, technologies into your work-place. Or, you deciding your current employer is dated and backwards, hence it’s time for you to move-along (i.e. apply for a new job!).