When you can't find a job: Pep Talk
Living through an job drought feels like a punch to your ego.
Today, the job has morphed into a romanticized version of our hopes and dreams.
Our jobs are our identity: “What do you do?” is one of the first things people ask, casually after the first introductory handshake, never a second thought to the consequences or potentially loaded question it represents. Jobs establish common ground; something to talk about.
Today, the job has morphed into a romanticized version of our hopes and dreams.
Jobs are not only a paycheck, but our sense of self worth, our contribution to society. “We’re like family” is a familiar workplace slogan -- used to impart a sense of trust and closeness.
In some sense it’s true: we spend more time in the office than with our loved ones. We argue, get in heated conversations, make high-stakes decisions with a lot of money on the line, feel stressed and when things go well, it feels like you’ve survived a war zone together. Jobs help us gain independence; providing stability and self-reliance.
It’s no wonder when we cannot find a job - our minds spiral downhill:
Who am I?
Am I worthy?
Do I have value?
Will I ever make a difference?
Do I matter?
Why can’t I find a job? Is something wrong with me?
What do you do when you can’t find a job?
What’s worked for me when I felt at my lowest during my many failed job searches with resumes being send into the abyss: I needed an ultra pep talk.
I’m talking, the most awe-inspiring, I’ve been there, I feel you, it’s okay, acceptance pep talk. I didn’t need those one-liners: “You’ll find one” “It’ll happen.” Those phrases fall on deaf ears; they fail to reassure me that the pot of gold was on the other side of the rainbow.
So dig in, here’s my ultra pep talk so you can peel yourself off the asphalt, and stayed committed, focused, and most importantly stay kind to yourself!
The Ultra Pep Talk
You’re not alone.
I clearly remember the feeling: you start comparing yourself. You look around: everyone else has a job, but not me. If they were able to make it, why can’t I? Why does it seem like I’m the only one who can’t seem to find a job?
OK, before you walk off the cliff. Remember: everyone has struggles. Everyone has had failure. Just because our weaknesses and battle scars cannot be visibly seen does not mean they don’t exist; stop being so narrow. Stop comparing yourself to others (because, you honestly don’t know). If you do want to know, why not ask: “Hey, have you ever had difficulty finding your ideal job or taking the next step in your career?” Then shut-up and listen to their story. If you don’t want to feel alone, then gently ask others to share their experiences. You ask right, then you’ll be surprised by what you hear!
If you want to read more about my struggles, check out the Upside to Failure post.
It’s not forever. Time is relative.
At first, this comes off like basic advice. But stay with me. If you’re in your 20s or 30s — first consider the lifespan of a career. People retire at 67 years old in the U.S. So if you’re struggling in your 20s, that means your have 40-something years to figure out your career and make that big dent in the world that Entrepreneur magazine had you dreaming about!
In the grand scheme of things — which can seem unimaginable — it’s a drop in the bucket.
Breathe in - breathe out. And look at the big picture. Those people who are established, look like they have it together — were not always that put together. They had to stay with it, make a lot of mistakes, have a lot of learnings, and then overcome a lot to get there! That’s most of us!
If you’re early in the your career, or struggling to get the career results that you want— these shifts are challenging. But when you take a step back and look at everything that’s ahead of you — you have a full 40+ years to look forward to work. Even if you took 2+ years off and didn’t work, that is not the end of the world. Do not freak out if you cannot find a job in X amount of time. It may seem long; but trust me — it’s your expectations that are skewed. However long it takes to find a job for your situation, for that exact economic moment (i.e. is there a pandemic going on?), is however long it takes. No one can reproduce your exact circumstance.
In the grand scheme of things — which can seem unimaginable — it’s a drop in the bucket.
In summary, stop trying to deal with the weight of the world. Stop trying to put undo pressure on yourself. It’s not helping. Stop trying to solve the rest of your life right now. Start by taking one step, then the next step, then another step. Focus at the task at hand. One foot in front of the other. One job application in front of the other. Stay true to yourself. Be kind. And keep going.